THE CRUCIAL PIECE

Once family members and friends became aware of the traumatic event that I had experienced, they started to reach out and check on me. Many wanted details of what happened and wanted to know what it felt like coming face to face with death.

One friend in particular, Kristin, had checked up on me more than others. Not that others didn’t care about me as much as she did but because she knew. She knew concussion. Not in the way I knew concussion at that point. Not in the way people who haven’t experienced concussions THINK they know concussions. At the time it didn’t make sense to me. In hindsight Kristin knew. She saw her younger sister Bo live with a concussion and post concussion syndrome for 5 years. Kristin knew. She knew the magnitude of concussion recovery. I didn’t. I didn’t realize the magnitude of the wave I started to ride. My initial thoughts were“It’s just a concussion. I’ll be sensitive to lights for a little and I’ll be fine.”

A few days after my accident in my journal I wrote:

“K thinks I have a concussion and wants me to connect with Bo. Maybe I will. Why though? What’s that going to do? I’ll be fine.”

I was agitated that my PCP had prescribed me brain rest. I was an athlete and a workaholic. Always on the go. At that time, I worked a full time job and in addition to that held down two part time jobs. I was an avid weightlifter and had competed in multiple powerlifting competitions. I was in the best shape of my life strength and conditioning wise and this doctor told me to rest. I did not want to sit still. This injury wasn’t going to slow me down (or so I thought). To be told not to do anything angered me. I was agitated that my ability to function at the gym was declining. I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. I wanted someone to tell me what to do (other than rest) so I could get better faster! I needed an action plan for recovery!

I texted Bo. This would turn out to be the most crucial piece in my recovery. If I hadn’t reached out to Bo it scares me to think where I would be at in my recovery. After chatting with her she was the one person who made sense of it all for me. What I was experiencing was normal based on her experience with her concussion. On 2/8/19 A few days later I received two of the most significant care packages I have ever received in my life. I didn’t realize it at the time yet the letter from Mary Duffy (K & Bo’s mom), noise cancelling headphones and Arnica gel from BO would be the anchor items that would lead and direct my concussion recovery.

Concussion Starter Kit: Noise cancelling headphones, Arnicare gel and the note from Mary Duffy that guided my recovery.

Note reads:

Lauren- I am so sorry you have to go through this. Here is what I know for sure:

-No one understands head injuries unless they lived one EVEN SOME DOCTORS

-Trust yourself- you know your body/head. Do not doubt yourself or think you are crazy

-Much of your head injury is not only your brain being knocked against your skull but your neck being totally screwed up w/ whiplash

-NO MATTER WHAT GET VESTIBULAR THERAPY

*Do not sign off on any insurance until you are fully recovered

-This takes MANY DIFFERENT kinds of professionals NOT JUST NEUROLOGIST

-Listen to Bo. She DOES KNOW THIS. CALL HER DAY & NIGHT

-You can always call me or anyone who has questions about you I will be happy to talk to them

Good Luck

Right now: sleep & do only what your head/neck will allow. Sleep is your healing friend.

All my best,

Mary Duffy S

2007 Mom’s Weekend @ Miami of OH. Kristin, Mary Duffy and I

Diagnosed & Misdirected - The First Time

Per the ER’s recommendations I decided to follow up with my primary care doctor at University Hospitals. She ran a Calibration test on me to evaluate my saccadic eye movements. I could not make it through one eye stroke without closing my eyes. The pain it caused in my eyes and in my forehead was excruciating.
She diagnosed me with a concussion immediately. No further testing was necessary. She signed paperwork to keep me out of work through April. April!?! There’s no way I’m going to be like this for 3 months lady {insert eye roll here - pun intended}

Her instructions were as follows:

1) Brain rest is best
2) If symptoms do not improve over the next several weeks consider Physical Therapy

3) Schedule follow up appointment with a concussion specialist (which took 10 days to be seen)

Naturally I am a pusher and tried pushing through symptoms for the first 2 weeks despite the doctors order of brain rest.“I ain’t sick. I got this. I can push through anything” was the type of attitude that I had. “I’m still going to the gym! My head may feel like a balloon about to pop and yet I’m still going to the gym.” Fitness has always been my lifestyle and the thought of not being able to do it crushed me.

For the next 10 days I would continue to drive to the gym with blurry vision and walk on the treadmill. The thought of lifting weights made me cringe (again think of a balloon ready to pop and as more pressure is added to it, it gets ready to explode) yet despite the icky feelings and doctors orders, I was determined to keep moving. I would wear a baseball cap to shield my eyes from the tv’s/lights as I continued to go to the gym. Each day at the gym I was able tolerate less and less stimuli. What I was typically able to tolerate was slowly declining. I became more and more nauseous each time I went.

I didn’t realize it at the time but the moving belt on the treadmill, the drive to the gym, the lights, tv, people moving around all made me nauseous and dizzy. What started out as “scaling back” on daily activity to a simple walk on the treadmill quickly became impossible to tolerate. My brain did not understand how to process the moving belt and moving my feet at the same time. The daily treadmill walk turned into a stretch session since I couldn’t tolerate a simple walk. Then eventually I couldn’t even tolerate stretching at the gym. I had stopped going to the gym by day 22 as I was unable to tolerate the stimulation. Not only was the gym too much but so was the drive there. The drive there started to drain my energy tank to where I almost fell asleep on the drive there.

In my journal I wrote:

“My body is getting sorer by the day. I hope one day again I will be able to deadlift and do clean and jerks. Things that were once so easy to do are now difficult. Watching tv, texting, scrolling through a computer. Never take life for granted. My head feels like a balloon. Never take life for granted. In the end I realize it’s only me and God.”

“I have been waking up at 4am the past 2 nights which is weird because the past 10 days since my accident I have been sleeping 12 - 13 hours at night. I think I have insomnia now.”

Below Video: my twin sister aka roommate describes my decline in normal daily function

Hindsight is 20/20

• Brain rest the first 24-48 hours after the initial injury is best

• After the first 24-48 hours, introduce a light outdoor walk as tolerated {provided it does not provoke symptoms}

• Physical Therapy- enter immediately after a concussion. Waiting to do so may prolong recovery. Do not go to the ER or wait to see your PCP. Enter yourself into PT immediately.

• Meet with a Concussion Specialist as soon as possible

• If you listen to your body and do only what it will allow it will speed up recovery

Swaps I wish I would have known to do:

• Swap the gym —-> for outside

• Swap the treadmill walk —> for outdoor hike or walk

• Swap driving —> for asking a friend to drive me places

• Swap pretending to be ok and be a tough gal —> for listening to my body and tell people I am not ok.

Work can wait. The gym can wait. Health is the most important. I can’t help but wonder if I didn’t try to be such a tough girl and push through symptoms in the beginning, if recovery would look different knowing what I now know about concussion recovery.

Riding the Concussion Wave Week 1 [Do Not] Push Through

I remember two days after my blow to the head going to the grocery store not able to see straight and having double vision. People that know me know that I am a healthy eater. I bought a ton of junk food that night. Things I normally wouldn’t buy, I bought. It was the strangest thing. At the time I did not realize this was related to a potential concussion. Over the next several days my symptoms were getting worse not better.

I had called off work 3 days in a row. Day 4 after the injury I told myself “Get it together LO, you are fine. You can’t afford to waste more PTO.” I had been sleeping 13-14 hours through the night since the accident so I thought I was being lazy not going to work. Not trying hard enough. Looking back I was very hard on myself and left little to no room for self compassion. Off to work I went.

I drove to work. The cars around me were blurry. I couldn’t look at the traffic lights because I was so sensitive to light. “Just pay attention to the bumper in front of you” I told myself. I couldn’t see straight although I could focus on the double yellow lines on the road. For whatever reason that was ok for me. I drove 15 mph the entire way to work- way under the speed limit. Cars were honking their horns and racing past me.

When I got to work and opened my laptop the screen settings seemed extremely bright. It must be the overhead lights, I thought. I took my laptop and set up shop at a huddle booth in the office where the lighting was dimmer. That didn’t help much. At that point I suspected I had a concussion because I was extremely sensitive to lights. At the time I thought a concussion was an injury that only caused one to be sensitive to light so I figured I’d have to push through the light sensitivity and work around it by working in dimmer areas of the building.

As I attempted to answer emails I couldn’t comprehend how to. Every morning at work I have my routine. Most of us do. Why couldn’t I understand how to do my routine? Why couldn’t I understand how to do a task that I do every day? A task that comes so mindless to me now took an extreme amount of effort. That effort still didn’t suffice. Why can’t I provide an answer to the question the email is asking me? Why is the thought process a struggle? Why am I unable to comprehend something I typically can?

That day back to work I lasted 2.5 hrs and was sent home by my manager. Looking back I wonder if pushing through the initial symptoms has prolonged my recovery.

Above: My twin sister aka roommates perspective on watching me after the initial injury

Below: The SCAT5 is a standardized tool used for evaluating concussions. Common post-concussion symptoms and their correlating treatments are displayed. Symptoms may not appear all at once and accumulate as days, weeks and months go on. Read more here.

Another important thing to point out is that the chart above has 6 different areas of focus for symptoms. I will not be surprised when more sections are added. That is at least 6 different specialists that are utilized to treat each area. Within each area there are addition symptoms that could require additional specialists. You get the idea. This eventually gets pretty ugly, complex, exhausting and not to mention expensive.

I’m “Fine”

I sustained my concussion on January 20, 2019. I had just left Sunday mass and was on my way to the gym. The entire week leading up to that day, Northeastern Ohio had seen one of the worst snowstorms of 2019.

When I left church, there was a break in the clouds and the sun appeared. It seemed to be ok driving weather as for the most part the roads were clear. As I was driving on the highway, I slid over a patch of ice and was tossed in front of a semi truck. The semi t-boned the passenger side of my Jeep Wrangler. As the Jeep spun around in circles I thought to myself “THIS IS IT”. This is how the movie of my life is ending.” My entire life flashed before me. Thoughts ran through my mind of all the things I wanted to do and never got a chance to do. I remember shouting “God, NO. Dad, Lindsay.” I started repeating the names of family members who I did not want to leave behind especially based off the relationship we had.

Both air bags had deployed and when the Jeep came to a halt, I flung my seat belt off and hurried out of the car. I was fearful it would blow up based on the impact. A man in a pick up truck had pulled over to the side of the road. He rolled down his window and motioned for me to get in his vehicle. My initial thought was “Stranger Danger”. My next thought was “I have nowhere to go and it is 20 degrees and I am freezing.” I hopped in the pick up truck. The man told me he had called 911 for assistance and wanted me to stay with him until EMS arrived. Shaken up by the event that had transpired, tears started to stream down my face. “OMG I’m fine” “I can’t believe I am ok” I shouted as I started to touch my legs, arms and head. All my body part were intact and functioning.The man went on to tell me a story about how his daughter had died a few years prior in a car accident which is why he stopped. He could not drive by without helping me. I thought I was fine because I didn’t have a broken bone. I was able to walk and talk, it was a miracle really. I was alive even though I thought I had died. It was surreal. Thank you Jesus!

Even though I was reluctant to go, I was transported to the ER by EMS as a precaution. I had chest pain from the brace of the seatbelt. That seatbelt hugged me so tight it ripped my winter down jacket.

The medical staff took chest X-rays which came back clear. A CT scan of my skull was also performed. This scan was taken to rule out a potential brain bleed or skull fracture. CT scan came back clear therefore I thought that meant I was fine.

As days went on, I did not realize it at the time but concussion symptoms started to appear and I began to feel worse and worse each day.

At the time I did not realize what I was experiencing were signs and symptoms of a concussion because I looked fine.